One of the first pieces of dating advice most people hear is “you aren’t going to meet anyone sitting at home.” We don’t necessarily disagree, but we do think that home is a great place to start. A home may be a source of inspiration, learning, and healing. Our homes affect how we feel about ourselves, and our ability to be productive and successful by reflecting and influencing our thoughts—and our thoughts shape our reality. Therefore our homes can be a powerful tool for self-transformation. By changing our homes, we can change our love life.

Once you appreciate the connection between your home and your life, you can look at your home to see what it is telling you about your love life. Most people will find that how they decorate their homes or what they have in their homes has a direct correlation to their love life. Common examples include men who decorate their homes like a college fraternity house – if you’re this guy – have you created a home where a woman would feel comfortable? If not, why? Are you looking for a relationship or just a fling? Similarly some women create overly feminine apartments— we’ve even seen stuffed animals on the bed. If you’re this woman, ask yourself if you’re ready for an adult relationship—are you looking for a partner or a father figure? Also, consider the fact that many men won’t find stuffed animals on your bed to be a turn on.

Your home can also give you more subtle insights into the state of your love life. For example, one woman we worked with bought and hung a large painting above her bed of a man sitting with one woman, but glancing at another. After talking about the painting and why she chose it, we came to learn the artwork subliminally represented her relationship with her boyfriend who maintained a close contact with his ex-girlfriend, which was something she struggled with daily. Another woman we worked with told us she was looking for a perfect man. We found her home was filled with angels. When she described what she was looking for in a man, she described an “angelic” soul, who was “perfection.”  In other words, she did not have realistic expectations of a relationship, and this was reflected in her home.

Time and again we see men and women unknowingly make choices in their homes that could be contributing to their single status. Below are the top ten most common “mistakes” to avoid followed by alternative choices that will help you find and create a loving relationship.

- Avoid filling your home with pictures, letters, and belongings from an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. Letting go of photographs, letters, and mementos from past relationships presents a challenge for many, and spending time with intimate memories from your past can sometimes be a healing and empowering experience.  However, if looking at these photographs and letters is not healing or empowering, or if they are keeping you tied to someone who is no longer in your life, then it is time to let them go.  Instead, surround yourself with things that reinforce who you are now and who you want to be. Looking for a new relationship is a time of looking forward to your future, not being bogged down in your past!

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- We notice that singles often have a bedroom set up for one (i.e., one bedside table, one reading lamp, one pillow) or the long side of the bed is pushed up against a wall so only one person can enter the bed comfortably. While it is important to accept and embrace where you are now, it is also important that you make some space for a partner. Create a room for two people—both symbolically and physically make space for your future partner. Set up your bedroom for two- add the extra bedside table and lamp. Is there a comfortable place for two to hang out? Is there a place for two people to sit down and eat?

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- We see homes for girls and boys rather than men and women. If you are a man, avoid the “college frat room look” or the “bachelor pad”(i.e. mattress on the floor, futons, shot glass collections, high school trophies, dirty dishes in the sink clutter everywhere etc. )  If you are a woman avoid a room or apartment that resembles your room at your childhood room (i.e. doll collections, stuffed animals on the bed, too much lace or pink, sorority signs, baskets of dried flowers, furniture that looks like it is meant for teenagers not adults).

- We often see lots of solitary items, or groupings of three. Create a home that re-enforces the idea of togetherness. Pair objects in your home together.

- Excessive pictures of friends, family, and other people’s children, as well as too many pictures from one particular time in the past, such as college. Too many pictures of other people’s lives and a particular time in your life can divert focus away from your own life in the present moment… create space for new people in your life and a new “best time of your life” by creating room for new photos.

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- Unfinished or temporary looking homes. We find that many people are waiting for a partner before buying or decorating a home. They don’t buy expensive or nice things for their home because they want to wait until they have a “real” home (which, of course, is frequently associated with getting married, registering for gifts, and buying a house). By surrounding yourself with things you don’t love, that are not in good condition, or things that you feel are second-rate, you’re subconsciously telling yourself that you don’t deserve better. It’s important to invest in yourself now and embrace the present moment. By doing so you are sending a message to the universe, as well as yourself, that you are worthy and you are surrendering and accepting where you are now, which often leads to change.

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- A television in the bedroom. Ideally, the bedroom should serve only two purposes: rest and romance. Yet, because of laptops, televisions, and phones, bedrooms are often more like media rooms than sensual and peaceful retreats. Don’t let a television, replace a partner in your life.

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- An overly feminine or masculine home. A home that is overly feminine may not invite masculine energy; a home that is too masculine may not support feminine energy. By creating a home that balances the masculine and feminine you are creating an environment that invites and supports a relationship.

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- Single Women Art. Time and time again we find that our single women have an abundance of artwork that depicts a single woman looking depressed. Your home is a reflection of your state of mind, so surround yourself with images that reflect your goals and evoke positive, uplifting feelings.